I have to preface the story with the fact that I have a pathological fear of birds. I hate birds more than most. I really hate large farm animal type birds because they pinch and twist when they bite. I have never been bit by a large bird but I still hate them. My dad had guard geese at one of his shops when I was a kid. They were vicious and would mess anyone up who thought of breaking into the shop. I think that is where the pathological fear comes from. Once I even tried to throw my mother into a duck pond trying to get away from some geese. So you get that I am really afraid of birds.
The University of New Mexico is a large beautiful campus. On the northwest side of campus is a duck pond with tons of grass to lounge in and shade to study in. There is a building called Dane Smith Hall just northwest of the duck pond. Just south of the duck pond is Mitchell Hall. There is a sidewalk that runs around both side of the duck pond connecting the two building. So in order to go from English class in Mitchell Hall to Stats class in Dane Smith Hall I had to walk past the duck pond one direction or another.
On this particularly dreary, foreboding, spring day I had to go to class in the rain. I made it to my first class in Mitchell Hall, soaked but still on time. After class the professor asked me to stay and speak with her about a public speaking project. (I had a bad habit of making my public speaking presentations on serial killers which was unsettling to my classmates). This is the point where the day headed south very quickly. I had fifteen minutes to get to my Stats class on the other side of the duck pond. I spent way to much time speaking to the professor and had to hurry to my next class. My Stats class was one of the few that the professor took attendance and used that in calculating your grade. So I really didn't want to be late.
As I was walking up the sidewalk, past the duck pond to Dane Smith Hall I saw some shadows looming in the distance. As I got closer I realized it was a goose wearing a little trench coat and a black fedora standing in the middle of the sidewalk. To this day I swear he had a miniture, goose sized, tommy gun. I thought "How bizzare, I can skirt around him and still get to class on time. Surely he is not after me." Then my day took a turn for the worse. Much worse. Standing on either side of him in a V formation were six ducks, three on each side. They must not make duck size trench coats but the ducks for sure had little fedora's. You could also tell that some of them were packing .45's under their wings. The gangster goose and his duck henchmen made for an intimidating gang.
As the sceen processed through my head I heard the goose sound a command. At that moment I let out a little scream. (Really it was more like a blood curdling scream). I got the attention of the maintanence workers on the other side of the duck pond. They turned around in time to seen me turn and run. As I got some momentum the slick sidewalk came up to meet me. I lay there on the wet sidewalk thinking for sure I was going to be shot and killed by the gangster goose and his duck henchmen. Or much worse bit by the gangster goose. As I pulled myself up off of the sidewalk I looked at the maintenence guys. They were laughing really hard as the goose and his ducks drifted back to the pond. The weird thing is they no longer had gangster outfits or guns.
I made it to Stats class wet and embarrassed but at least I was not shot and killed by a gangster goose or his duck henchmen.
This is the most menacing goose I could find. The only pictures of geese in clothing on google were the cute lawn ornaments wearing bonnets. The gangster goose was for sure wearing a fedora. So just imagine him in a trench coat and fedora carrying a miniture tommy gun.
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